August 1, 2008
Does a place named Guido Beach really exist?
I just went to a beach in Jersey today. It was not like this, but it wasn’t totally unlike it either. I left early because the conversations of the families around me were making me a worse person, and strangely thirsty for Mountain Dew, and I forgot my ipod so I had to listen to them. If there is a God I will get to move to the West Coast soon. See? I’ve even become judgmental!
Watch all the way to the end – that’s when it really gets good – fist fight with the girl still on mic. I think she may have cared for her ex-boyfriend more than she lets on. Aww….
[via Gawker, I know I know, I use them a lot]
July 17, 2008
Adventure #5: Provincetown, Mass
First, let me just say don’t kid yourself: it takes a whole day to get from New York to Provincetown. Buses and trains and ferries… I got a panic attack from boredom on the train and Evan told me to just sit quietly, which was impossible.
Once you get there, Provincetown is a magical place where half the summer population is gay (mostly male), and the other half is made up of families and straight couples. It’s extremely harmonious and beautiful and I saw a big lesbian wedding right on the ocean while I sat at the pool. Utopia found!
We stayed our first two nights at the Provincetown Inn, which must be exactly like The Shining in the winter. It is one weird place, but extremely reasonably priced for the area. It’s surrounded by the beach and ocean on two sides and yet it has a dive bar with no windows on the premises. Do you get what I’m saying? It’s a strange place. The pool was a huge scene, complete with loud music and a pool bar with a flirtatious bartender. He flirted with the boys and said he didn’t believe I was over 25. We all loved him.
Evan and I spent the first morning hiking out over a long rocky path from our hotel that lead us to a beautiful isolated beach.
We hiked back and ate lunch at The Red Inn, overlooking the water. As we walked out, Tim and Jorge rode up on a petty cab. It was perfect! We bought some wine and drank it on the beach at our hotel, then had drinks by the pool, then proceeded to drink one million glasses of tequila at dinner, as evidenced by this photograph of one million glasses on our table.
Then this happened.
After an urgently needed brunch the next day, Evan and I went out to Drew’s dune shack. The shack has no running water or electricity, and is nestled right in the dunes of the national seashore. It also looks exactly like the set for Anthropologie’s housewares catalog.
We did a lot of grilling and had a bonfire. It was pretty beautiful.
July 9, 2008
No!
June 22, 2008
Adventure #4: Sandy Hook
I have taken the ferry to Sandy Hook twice.
The first time, Mumsy and I semi-accidentally got off the bus at the nude beach. See, we weren’t avoiding it, we just didn’t realize that was the stop for the nude beach. We realized pretty quickly where we were, and decided to go to the end of the beach where it was a little more quiet. Well, so did some other people looking for some privacy. Awkward. Top three nude couples of Sandy Hook 20007 (all male, ’cause that’s all that was there): Overweight gamers – How did I know they were gamers? Pale, overweight, dark hair all over, glasses, hunched, young; the couple wearing sparkly cock rings and nothing else; and finally the super overly-affectionate, audibly slurping, frolicking in the waves couple who seemed to be on their freaking honeymoon until one of them got up to go into the water alone and a couple sitting near by asked the remaining guy how long he and his amorous boyfriend had been together. “We just met today,” he said. The couple, obviously taken aback just sort of mildly gasped and said it was their 20th anniversary. He drolly offered congratulations. Awkward. Long story short, Mumsy and I had a great time. And maybe the best part was when some trashy speed boaters cruised up and some drunk half-naked women got out of the boat, climbed, with difficulty, onto an innertube, and shook their boobs at us and the beach full of gay men and yelled “I’m king of the world” over and over again.
[*Note: It might be a coincidence, but I got a rash all over my arms the day after going into the water at the beach mentioned above. Decide for yourself.]
Evan and I went back to Sandy Hook the Friday before last and went to Beach B. It was beautiful and quiet — we stayed away from the large grouping of Jersey families. The ferry ride was awesome and I really felt like I got out of the city. I forgot my camera, but I’ll bring it next time, promise.
To get to Sandy Hook by ferry from Manhattan, you just take the SeaStreak from Pier 11 (Wall Street), or East 35th Street at the water. You can view the schedule here. A school bus greets you at the ferry and takes you to the beach of your choice. The first stop is nude and predominantly gay, and the only other stop I know is Beach B. Both are very nice and Beach B has a restaurant. A lot of people bring bikes, so they can go to multiple beaches.
